


Situations

by AngstMom



Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: Alternate Timelines, Babu Dip Dop, Bill wtf man, GASP, I am capable of writing nice things, M/M, NO Angst!?!, WTF, sometimes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-29
Updated: 2016-02-29
Packaged: 2018-05-23 21:38:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,284
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6130891
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AngstMom/pseuds/AngstMom
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bill determines that one of the easiest solutions to his problems, is going back in time and eradicating a Pine Tree.</p>
<p>~Oneshot!</p>
            </blockquote>





	Situations

Bill honestly wonders how he manages to get into situations like this. He has future sight, however twisted and vague it may be, he can still tell what decisions will be made. Millions of timelines stem from simple decisions, all made with a different thought or feeling to become something else. Honestly, if he wasn’t currently made up of particles of energy and mass, his very mind would be aching.

He foresaw his demise, the inevitable ending of several bad decisions and his bad habit of getting ahead of himself. Instead of messing with old six finger’s entire life as he had, and making the lives of the pines a total disaster later in life, he decided to eradicate the little pine tree in his side. It was a brilliant plan, or it would have been if he’d bothered checking the outcomes of all that could happen in this situation.

So now he’s floating in the pastel little nursery of two four year old twins, cradling a hiccuping child as he clung to Bill’s angles as if his entire existence depended on this moment. He wasn’t wrong though, Bill could easily end him here and now, cause an irreversible illness to take the young boy from the waking world permanently. However, and Bill blames the human’s stupid defense mechanisms, he couldn’t raise a hand against him. Bill’s seen this technique, a baby has to survive long enough to reproduce, it needs food and care and protection. The only thing is, a baby can’t give anything back, it’s a living parasite that humans dress up and coddle. So the baby looks cute, it makes little gurgle noises, watches you with its big eyes, laughs and giggles at everything you do.

Bill was utterly smitten, how could this tiny little insignificant being be so adorable? He loaths the thought, Bill Cipher was a being of pure energy, no weakness could ever be applied to him because he had none. Yet here he was, floating in a grey toned room, cuddling a future enemy. His buddies would laugh and mock him if they could see this.

The baby had finally stopped crying, only hiccuping once or twice as the demon patted his back and rocked him from side to side.

“A-are you gonna e-eat me?” Pine Tree squeaked out, his child voice doing weird things to BIll’s form.

“Maybe, maybe not, I don’t know, do pine trees taste good?” Bill asks, choosing to ignore the need to coddle the child.

Dipper blanched, letting out another squeaked as he squirmed in Bill’s arms. “I-I do-on’t taste good, I’m only four!” He whined pitifully.

Bill laughed, the sound echoing all around them. “You sure? I could just eat you up! It’d be so easy!”

“No!” The child’s eyes began to well with tears again.

“Hey hey, kid, it’s just a joke! The screaming head was a gift too, by the way, it’s kind of rude to start crying when people give you gifts.”

“B-b-b-but, it, it melted! It went scary! You’re scary,” Pine Tree whimpered, hands covering his eyes.

“Eh, I’ve seen scarier things, you will too, if you ever manage to make it to age twelve.”

“Uh uh, I don’t wanna see scary things, I just wanna play with Mabel!”

“Tut tut, ever think about playing with anyone else?”

“No.”

“Shame, I’m lots of fun to play with!”

“No you’re not! You do scary things! You took the color away and now the clocks won’t work!”

“Yeah yeah, but you had fun being chased, I heard you giggle a little.”

Dipper was silent at that, avoiding Bill’s gaze and flushing at being caught. Stupid human defense mechanisms.

“Look kid, you’re cute, but you’re gonna be a real pain in my side later in life. I can’t have that, I have big plans that I refuse to let anyone ruin, so I either gotta kill you, or recruit you.”

Dipper’s eyes were already wide, but somehow they got wider, his body shaking as his lip trembled.

“P-p-please don’t k-kill me,” he whimpered quietly.

“I figured as much, so I’m going to offer you a little deal,” Bill let the child float away, Pine Tree’s frightened cries filling him with mild glee.

“D-deal?”

“Yeah! I’ll be one of your friends, I’ll make sure nothing scary happens, keep you and your sister safe, let you in on some secrets of the universe, and in return, you help me out when I need it! Heck, I’ll even help you with some future issues if the need arises, timelines can be pretty weird things, let me tell you,” BIll ended with a laugh.

“No more scary?”

“No more scary!”

Dipper seemed to be lost in thought for a few moments. Bill floated back over and cradled him again, causing Pine Tree to look at him with big brown eyes. His hair fell back enough that it didn’t cover his forehead, the big dipper constellation in clear view.

“Okay.”

“Okay? That’s it?”

“Yeah, triangle thing, I a promise.”

“No kid, I don’t make promises, I make deals.”

“Deal sounds like promise.”

“Yeah well, with deals you have to keep them, or there will be consequences, with promises, if your break it, it’s no biggy.”

“That’s sad.”

“Yeah, it is. The name’s Bill, by the way, may as well tell you that now.”

“Okay Bill, deal.”

“Shake on it?” Bill holds out a flaming blue hand.

Dipper stares mesmerized for a moment before taking it. Bill shakes once, sealing the deal. Bill places him back on the floor.

“I’ll see you in your dreams kid.”

“Okay, buh-bye Bill, I love you.”

And isn’t that the perfect farewell, as he leaves this plane of existence and Dipper’s world returns to color, Bill feels the goodbye echo in his mind. It’s a response his parents taught, clearly, but Bill feels the phrase reverberate through him. What has he gotten himself into this time?

~~~~

A warm body shifts at his side and he reaches over to lay his arm over the slight form.

“Morning triangle.”

“Morning to you too Pine Tree.”

“Time?”

“Just after seven.”

“Gross, I have to be up at eight.”

“Need help getting back to sleep.”

“Nah, I wanna talk.”

“About?”

“What you meant when we first met.”

“What do you mean?”

“You said you had ‘big plans’, but all you did was gain a human body to inhabit to, quote; ‘keep an eye on you fleshbags’, then you asked me out a year later. I kind of doubt that was your big plan.”

“No, you’re right, but it was a much better plan.”

“You asked me out with a deer carcass.”

“Hey, it was the bones, and they were bleached.”

“Still weird.”

“You still said yes.”

Dipper makes a ‘haarumph’ noise before looking into Bill’s eyes. “How could I? You’re everything in my life.”

Bill shrugged, “To answer your question, my original intention was to liberate my pals in the nightmare realm and take over your universe, rendering everyone who didn’t obey as ornate statues for my fearamid.”

“That… wow, where did that go wrong?”

“The moment I came back in time to ensure you wouldn’t get in my way.”

“Nice to know I still messed with all your plans.”

“Eh, I guess it was inevitable, I didn’t bother checking out all the outcomes.”

“Nerd.”

“You love me.”

“Yeah, I kind of do.”

“ _ Kind of!? _ ” Bill squawked.

Dipper giggled and sat up. “Alright, I love you a lot, you silly obtuse shape.”

“Watch it kid, your cuteness can’t save you forever.”

“I can try,” Dipper stated, before leaning in to give Bill a tender kiss.

Honestly, how does Bill end up in these situations?

**Author's Note:**

> ~Ireena is watching you ☼


End file.
